The Countdown: The Excitement and Anxiety around Starting College...Again

18 Days…that’s how long I have until my first day of college classes in over a year, it’ll be my first day at my new college, my first day starting with a new major, and my first day with my own service dog. It will be Huxley’s first day of school, his first day of classes and his first day of him working with me in one of the places that I would never had made it back to without him.

After high school I spent one year at a local community college and I focused on psychology (as much as you can in one year) and graduated the summer after my high school graduation with an Associates Degree. I was unable to attend graduation and walk the stage despite the efforts of a very supportive disability resource office that gave me as many options as possible to allow to me have that opportunity, in the end my anxiety won over. Huxley at 4 months old was (albeit very smart, attentive and technically task trained) an absolute menace and would never have been able to sit through a 3+ hour long graduation ceremony, so my cap and gown sat in my closet while my family took me out to a nice dinner to celebrate.

I was thrilled to have made it through community college, and the constant high levels of anxiety that I experienced with the anticipation of classes finally went away. It seemed like applying to colleges for transfer and going back to school was too far in the future to think about. I focused on starting a new job, which was working for a few hours 2 or 3 days a week as a Page at the local library. And then the deadlines started popping up and I actually had to think about college again, think about everything again, and it felt impossible. I wasn't ready for it, and Huxley wasn’t ready for it, he was still in the horrible adolescent months, when his most used nickname was “The Jerk” (I can’t say that isn’t still pulled out when he’s being particularly annoying).

The entire year I had planned on going into clinical social work and working with young people going through similar mental health issues I experienced throughout school and continue to as a young adult. I did have some reservations about the career but it made sense for me and I could easily plan it out. I was scrolling through the website of a public university that I honestly didn’t expect to like very much, but felt the need to apply to anyway due to it’s proximity to my house, when I happened across a major called Therapeutic Recreation. I remember looking at the information page and thinking that it sounded like the best job ever, you get to basically play for a living while helping people in the process! I began to research the career and was immediately excited by the prospect of pursing this career path. It was fascinating and encompassed so many of my passions it seemed like the perfect fit. Obviously it is more complicated than simply playing all day but to explain it quickly it is using recreation from sports to music to crafts and even animal assisted therapy (talk about a great job for having a girl with service dog), to help people learn to find joy and thrive in their environment, the opportunities in this career are numerous, from working with projects such as the Wounded Warrior Project, to inpatient psychiatric centers, to children’s hospitals and nursing homes. Recreational therapy is used as treatment for numerous different temporary and permanent disabilities.

I continued research and it felt less certain, and less defined, than clinical social work, so I was apprehensive at first but as I talked about it to everyone who would listen I realized that it was what made me excited to learn and go back to school. Before finding therapeutic recreation I was dreading going back to school, I did miss learning but nothing about the colleges I looked at made me feel like I would enjoy my experience, and when my mom looked at me and said she was so happy to finally see me excited about college, and that it had been so long since I’d been excited about school in that way, I knew I’d found the right path for me. This was after I had already been accepted to the college so I emailed admissions that day to have my major changed from psychology to therapeutic recreation.

In this coming semester I am taking 4 recreation and therapeutic recreation specific courses and one psychology course and I am thrilled to be taking so many major specific classes and really diving head first into this new adventure. Despite the excitement the anxiety is still there, I am anxious about being able to go walk into class the first day without panicking with the number of people, I am anxious about how Huxley will do in class. I am anxious about how the professors will react to Huxley, I am anxious about being away from home. I am anxious about my parents not being 5 minutes away if I panic and need help, I am anxious about not knowing anyone. I could probably continue writing this for another couple paragraphs but it’s not healthy for me and no one wants to read that. On the other hand, I am excited to be able to feel like a normal college student and walk across campus confidently with Huxley next to me, I am excited to make new friends and meet people in my major. I am excited about the number of audiobooks I will be able to listen to on the 45 minute commute everyday. I am excited about the feeling of independence I will have being able to go to college full time. I am excited to learn about the amazing field of recreational therapy. Above all I am excited that prospect of college excites me, I have never experienced this feeling as the dread and anxiety always destroys everything in its path, so for me to have any amount of excitement for this new step is a fantastic experience.